“An Ipsos poll this year found that while 70 per cent of women agree it’s socially acceptable for an older man to be with a younger woman, just 56 per cent of women think it’s acceptable when the age gap is female-led.”
In truth, when it comes to ageing and romance, we are a bundle of contradictions. We profess to want a partner who’s mature and has life experience. But we also prize smooth skin and an ability to bounce out of bed in the morning. We moan about baggage but declare it a “red flag” if someone hasn’t had a serious, long-term relationship. We are judge and jury, remarking on any slight age difference even as we profess to embrace progressive views on love.
And we still struggle with women going against what society expects of them. After all, it’s far easier to fall back on sexist stereotypes and label an older woman as desperate and deluded than see her as a sexual being – or accept that a younger man might not be turned off by the odd wrinkle. For that to be true, we’d have to recognise that women with sagging bodies and silver hair are worthy of being desired.
The narrative will only change if we normalise this. If we see high-profile women like Kim Kardashian unapologetically dating younger men. If more films are made like– in which Emma Thompson plays a 55-year-old widow getting exactly what she wants from a 20-something male sex worker. And looking hot while she does it. In fact, younger men get a lot from older women: self-possession, confidence, an ability to not take themselves too seriously.
Societal expectations of women are changing rapidly – the journey to marriage and motherhood no longer a default setting, before we fade quietly into the background and become invisible. Plus, dating apps mean that we can meet and interact with people from different stages of life. The sands are shifting beneath the feet of generations of singletons, and with more over-50s divorcing in the UK than ever before, there are naturally more older women seeking a second chance at love .
“I think what you realise is that when you’re really happy, it doesn’t matter what strangers think about you,” as Wilde
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