When PTSD stopped me leaving the house, musicals and theatre helped me 're-enter' the world ✒️ jamie_windust writes for ipaperviews
Despite not knowing anyone in the crowd, the theatre gave me a sense of community
For much of my life the extent of my theatre experience started and ended with playing the lead in my school musical, aged nine. Sixteen years later, however, II was diagnosed with PTSD , depression and GAD towards the end of 2020 after experiencing sexual violence and rape. I felt like an imposter at first. The fact that I hadn’t been to war or involved in a horrific car accident made me feel like I didn’t pass the test for the diagnosis itself.
But in August this year I felt something shift. I needed to enjoy my own company, rather than feeling trapped in it. I saw an advert online for National Theatre Week and realised that after living in London for five years I’d only been to see one West End musical. It was a Friday afternoon, and I booked a last minute ticket for the Saturday evening show ofThat Saturday morning I felt better than I had done in months.
Despite not knowing anyone in the crowd, the theatre gave me a sense of community. I felt part of something. All of these people coming out specifically to be lost in the show. I knew nothing aboutand by fate, the message of the show spoke directly to where I was at personally in that moment. Struggling to talk, feeling alone, not knowing what was going to happen in the future. The musical showed me what was possible if I just kept going.
The magic of the theatre isn’t just in the talent of the performers, but in the way a silent group of people in an audience can feel part of a community without saying a word to each other. All knowing that we’re interpreting the performance in a way that chimes with us and our own lived experiences creates a peaceful togetherness across the stalls, all the way up to the nosebleed section, propelled by song.
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