It’s only afterwards that the “stress of saying yes”, as coach Judith Quin puts it, starts to kick in – when you realise exactly how this extra work you’ve agreed to is going to impact you.
puts it, starts to kick in – when you realise exactly how this extra work you’ve agreed to is going to impact you. “So often people are stressed at work because they don’t feel heard or able to make themselves heard,” Quin says, adding that the “stress of saying yes” can stem from “not having the confidence to set boundaries”.
“If we possess the skills to clearly communicate our boundaries then people are a lot less likely to take on more than they are capable of” If you’re struggling to say no to your colleagues, Quin recommends asking yourself why you’re so keen not to rock the boat. “If I ask if you like or agree with everyone you’ve ever met or heard speak, the answer will be ‘no’,” she says. “So, remember this and ask yourself why are you putting so much effort into wanting everyone to like or agree with you?
She also recommends reframing the interaction by “focus[ing] on the person or people you’re speaking to, rather than on your own anxiety about speaking. They want to hear how what you have to say will benefit or interest them and are concentrating on this rather than judging you.”
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