“Like most other people, I’ve experienced a friendship break-up. At the time, I pushed what was happening to the back of my mind and got on with it, but looking back, I can see just how overwhelming it truly was.”
“I checked into a ‘heartbreak hotel’ to get over my break-up – this is what I learned”
Eventually, Sam reached out to her friend, telling her she missed her, a step that did make her feel vulnerable and exposed. “I was in individual therapy at the time and my therapist suggested that my friend and I could see someone together, almost like couples therapy. At first, I thought it sounded too intense – it’s not like we were married – but my therapist pointed out that I cared about the friendship and wanted to see a way through.
Fox Weber notes that it was easy to see this in their way of communicating and that the therapy was for their own benefit, something they ended up discussing in a useful way. One of them said life would be so much better if we were in a good place again, says Fox Weber. “They got tearful and agreed that they wanted to sort out their tension.”
“Very often, time-limited work is effective – a few sessions can help friends deal with issues and strategise,” says Fox Weber. When friendships rupture there can be an upsetting sense that there’s no point in trying. Especially if one person has been in the rescuer role, a fixer. Therapy shines a light on the ways that only one person trying to fix things doesn’t work, and helps to rebalance the give-and-take of a healthy relationship. Having this space for recalibration is hugely helpful.
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