“The truth of the matter is that, after six months of unprotected sex, I am not pregnant. Does that mean I’m not trying hard enough?”
Now, I feel about privacy the way other people feel about exercise; it’s something I’m increasingly aware I need, the older I get, and yet I still forget about quite a lot of the time. Which is why, sinceat the beginning of the year, I haven’t quite known whether I wanted to write about trying to get pregnant or not.
The truth of the matter is that, after six months of unprotected sex, I am not pregnant. Sometimes this has made me extremely upset; at other times I have felt ambivalent about the whole idea of being pregnant ever again. Then, last month, I had theof my life. There’s a phrase you don’t read every day. The nurse was kind, informative, genuinely enthusiastic and interested by her work. She gave me time, had excellent eye contact , and it didn’t hurt at all.
My friends, I was not. As usual, I was treating my body like an out-of-control tractor on which I was sitting, occasionally pushing buttons or wiggling a steering wheel, without any idea of how to actually drive, never looking at the instruction manual, while clods of earth and uprooted turnips flew around in my dusty wake. Sure, it’s not a perfect analogy, but it’s one I think of often.
That evening, I downloaded an app and started tracking my periods, with all the accompanying concerns about data, privacy, the commodification of women’s bodies, information control and AI that such a move entails. Since then, I have actually tried to have sex during the five or so days during which I am probably – and I do stress the word– fertile. That is what I mean when I say I am trying. In fact, I’ve always found the term “trying for a baby” rather annoying.
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