First question: point blank, “on a scale of 1-10, how ready are you to make a big change in your love life?”
Long pause. “Halfway there, probably five.” I come up with a range of half-formed reasons as to why, which gradually become clearer over the course of our conversation.
Do I chase the immediate highs so much that they can only be countered by extreme lows? “It’s more the not knowing what’s actually going to be good for me long-term, rather than short-term,” I reply. “I get sucked into the romance very quickly…” Mulling over my romantic CV involving musicians, artists and writers, in the process. She compares the personalities of a sailor and farmer.
There are other things, too. Sadder things. Exploring the crevices of exiled romances that didn’t work out . She asks me if she could wave a magic wand where would I see myself, with someone, in five years’ time? Oh god. There it is again: panic. I see where this is all heading, and my recent suspicions are all but confirmed prior to the important “diagnosis” section of our session.
Since the pandemic started, Lawson has seen an influx of clients – ranging from “those who have never had a relationship, or been single for a decade, in their sixties, teenagers, married women who want to do an inventory of their love life.” Of course, the goalpost looks different for everybody – marriage and children are still deeply ambivalent to me, for instance – but the modus operandi to facilitate becoming more aware of our endeavours in this area of our lives is unchanging.
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