'I wanted to be a woman who could board a plane, fly to another country and enjoy a week alone.'
Even before my son arrived, I was obsessed with not falling into the black hole of motherhood.
Examining her shocked face, I realised I didn’t want someone so close to me to not have a sense of the enormity of this new addition in my life. For the first time, I wanted to stop compartmentalising, but I feared that a merge would shrink my life and I’d become nothing more than a snack dispenser and ass wiper.
“OK, just put your bag away, sit down and buckle up,” I whispered to myself. Again, I hoisted the suitcase above my head, but I still couldn’t land my body in the seat. With the plane at near capacity, the sound of overhead bins being slammed shut by flight attendants increased. Who wants to leave their kid for a luxurious five-day getaway alone? Me! I do! Or I thought I did, which was why I planned this trip.
This separation of self had been tolerable. But now, crying in the back of an overpriced cab, unsure if my hotel would give me a full refund, I realised a convergence was due. I didn’t want to keep parts of myself so isolated that I could plan for a trip that I didn’t want to go on. I wanted people close to me to understand this part of my life.As the cab slugged along the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway, I dispatched phone calls to my wife, mom and best friend.
When I arrived home, my wife had set the table with a bag of salad and leftover mac and cheese. “Are you OK?” she asked me.
Danmark Seneste Nyt, Danmark Overskrifter
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