Let's not forget Bexy Cameron's name and her story.
My face is pressed into the carpet, its rough texture stinks of sour milk. Worn threads dig into my forehead. My small frame collapsed inwards on itself. Hands are all over my body – the whole commune gathered for my exorcism. People shout in tongues, I am imprisoned in a tunnel of noise, hands and heat. Everything shakes. Is that my demon rising out of me? My hands burn. My arms tingle. My ribs shrink towards each other, forcing out the air in my lungs. I can’t breathe.
I woke up fighting for breath, drenched in sweat, back in my flat in London. I grappled with the window to gulp the cool night-air of Bethnal Green. Slowly, I calm my breathing down, rubbing my arms and legs, reassuring myself that I am in this reality. Not a nine-year-old girl in a demonic nightmare. My eyes could just about make out the messy piles of clothes on the floor, the remnants of a pot noodle by the side of my bed, the clock beaming out 3:00 am.
At 27 years-old I would have nightmares almost every night; as my eyelids would close, the dark theatre curtains would open to that night's vivid show; watching my brother publicly beaten until he bled. Of running endlessly, training to fight as a soldier in the wars of the Armageddon. The ‘one’ where I was mute, my voice taken from me for over a year at an enforced 'silent retreat'.
Yet the visions that invaded my sleep weren't dreams, they were memories of my childhood. The residue of my life before, which had no respect for time, my newly crafted identity, or the space I put between ‘then’ and now. Where did I come from? The Children of God - you may know them as a “sex cult,” branded with this label when the media discovered the group was using the mothers as “whores for Jesus” with a predatory leader who condoned ‘sex’ with children. You may know them as an Armageddonist group who believed that the end of the world was coming, or you may not have heard of them at all. But this group, that was the home to these very real memories, was my entire world until I was 15 years old.
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