“It’s hard to juggle a job with a mental illness, especially when that illness seems to come and go as it pleases.”
, errands, the lot. I’m even jealous of my dog, who always wants to be outside. At 26, I was put on anti-depressants for the first time, and was diagnosed with depression, borderline personality disorder and agoraphobia. The first two weren’t that much of a shock – my dad was diagnosed with manic depression when I was 11. My therapist at the time speculated that I had symptoms of BPD, but agoraphobia… that was a new one.
I know now it’s defined as an extreme or irrational fear of entering open or crowded places, leaving home, or being in places from which escape is difficult. Agoraphobia is a misunderstood illness. I have to explain it to a lot of people, especially when I cancel plans, which I am frequently forced to. There isn’t a simple description that’s easy to share, but what I do know is that I’m missing out on my life. I feel sad, looking outside and wishing I could do what my friends do.
The condition manifests differently in everyone. Most people that suffer with depression will adopt some sort of avoidance behaviour as a coping mechanism. It’s a vicious cycle. It is debilitating even on my good days, and can lead me to suicidal ideations on my worst.
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