'I attended a birth review at the hospital and after hearing what actually happened to me it was like my mind just snapped overnight. I started having flashbacks of the birth and I had a stretch of almost no sleep for eight days' 🖊️ By claudiatanner
. However, I can now see that the start of my struggles began when I was carrying Erin. I was very worried something would go wrong, and felt it was almost a surety I would lose my much-wanted baby.
After 10 hours, I was allowed to push. But after 30 minutes, I was told the baby’s head was in the wrong position and I needed to go to theatre for a rotational forceps delivery and warned I may need a Caesarean section. I felt sick and really scared. I was given an extended episiotomy . Erin’s head came out, but her shoulders got stuck behind my pelvis. A medic ran out shouting “shoulder dystocia” and more doctors ran in. Suddenly, my legs were positioned completely vertical, pointing to the ceiling, and a midwife was doing compressions on my stomach. No-one told me what was happening. All I could see was the blue screen up in my face.
I never had much time to bond with skin-on-skin with Erin because I blacked out and collapsed from low blood pressure several times over the following few days. I had a blood transfusion. It was during that first week in hospital that I had a sudden, bizarre bout of confusion and forgot that I’d had a baby and didn’t know who I was.Back home, outwardly I appeared fine and I kept saying how lucky we were. My bond with Erin was good.
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