'Initially, I think my friends and family felt like I was being dramatic but I knew that something was very wrong because I had the sense that I was imagining things, and seemed to be losing my grip on reality.'
I was working long hours and coping with the bustle of day-to-day life became very difficult. I spent most of the day feeling like people were out to get me in my job.
I was living alone at this point, but my friends had noticed something was going on with me. I couldn’t put into words what was happening in my head, and felt secretive about what was occurring. Instead of getting different work, I decided to be self-employed. I think I knew deep down I wasn’t well enough to take on another role. I was struggling to read and write and time seemed to pass in a strange way. I was often suicidal and I was drinking too much.
At its worst, I thought that people were trying to kidnap me, that I was on the television on some sort of twisted reality show of my life – The Truman Show meets a Derren BrownI thought Extinction Rebellion were out to get me because I felt I was singularly responsible for climate change. I thought that the Masons were plotting against me. I thought that I was inside a research experiment and people were monitoring me using my devices.
After a brief escape, where I broke free from them, they took me to A&E and from there I was taken to a mental health hospital. In the hospital they gave me antipsychotic medication but I thought they were trying to poison me, so I spat the pills out whenever I could. Slowly, as the small amount of medication I was actually taking began to work, things shifted back into focus.
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