As a pandemic solo mum, grieving a parent, Polly Dunbar was exhausted. Could a few days away with her son really help restore her?
I’m sitting in a circle of women I met just two days ago. At its centre, there’s a candle flickering, a small pile of crystals and some dried flowers; elsewhere in the dimly-lit 17th century barn, sage burns in a bowl. We’ve taken it in turns to describe what the weekend has meant to us and several of us – me included – have cried.
I gave birth to my son Nat in April 2020, at the height of the pandemic. For women like me, new motherhood brought with no sense of community whatsoever: no in-person NCT meet-ups or opportunities to distract ourselves from our sleep deprivation with a chat over a coffee. As a solo mum who conceived Nat on my own using donor sperm, I craved that connection, and although I was lucky to spend lockdown living with my parents, I struggled emotionally.
If Soul Sanctum could give me a sense of being cared for, even for a weekend, it would be a relief akin to sinking into a warm bath after running an extreme marathon . The only catch was that I’d be accompanied by a three-year-old for whom the concept of rest is utterly alien. Could a retreat with a toddler really feel restorative?
As I was to learn over the course of the weekend, everyone had a fascinating story that had brought them there. Several other women had lost parents, like me, and similarly felt they had been soldiering on, coping well, but hadn’t had the space to fully process their loss. Some had escaped bad relationships, while others were highly successful career women badly in need of a bit of headspace.
Again, it sounds ‘woo’, but the lesson itself was actually intensely practical: Laura showed us how to make elderflower tonic – dubbed ‘nature’s Calpol’ for its immunity boosting properties – by boiling the berries with herbs and honey. Watching Nat so engrossed made me feel proud. Maybe, I let myself think, I’m doing a good job.
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