What does the search for romance or sexual adventure look like post lockdown?
It all started off so innocently. A quick peek at Hinge, a flick through Bumble, a scroll through Inner Circle. Men my age, men slightly younger, men who were not my husband…
Leaving a marriage during lockdown was a hellish thing to do. Had I known it would be this hard, would I have done it? Moving out of the family home and into a rental property, sharing custody of our two young children – every day became a blur. My body survived on no food and zero sleep, my heart ached with grief, my ears rang with tinnitus brought on by stress. I’d never felt pain like it.
A friend told me about an app called Feeld she’d joined in search of kink. One woman’s kink is another woman’s, well, I wouldn’t know. I clicked on the app. Paid the subscription, then panicked – what if it popped up on “family sharing”, aka my entire family’s iPad? Too late. Messages from polyamorous couples flooded in. Consensual couples in search of a significant other for all-night play and more.
I’ve always found fetish-wear fascinating. Leigh Bowery on stage in clubs in the ’90s, Manumission in Ibiza; I’ve shared many a dancefloor with people wearing leather harnesses and bondage gear. But what about proper BDSM? Nothing to do with fashion fetish, the dominant and submissive relationship has always intrigued me. Single in my mid-forties, it’s probably now or never, I thought to myself late one evening, alone in the house, three wines in. I bought a black harness.
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